#9 - “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” - Brené brown

 

Hey once more! Do you have socials? How many? How often do you check them? Well, it's common to have socials nowadays with few escapes from it if you wish to have a social life. But what kind of media do you consume? Is it full of videos like ferrets, dogs, cats, or cooking? Is it full of models men and/or women, expensive fashion brands, or expensive cars? In today's post, I will be talking about the media I used to consume and the media I consume now. Both are vastly different and both affected me in different ways. So without further ado, let's expose me...

(shy cartoon)

    I have watched and been on YouTube plus Instagram way back when the app icons looked like this:

(YouTube old logo)

(Instagram old logo)

    Way back when I was very young around 6 or 7 I was on the internet, mainly YouTube and Instagram. This is back then these apps were still finding their brand, marketing, and restrictions. So at this point, almost anyone could post anything. Explicit and violent images were something I was exposed to at such a young age. From the models I would compare myself with, to videos consisting of edgy and dark humor. I was also not old enough to have the critical thinking skills I have now. The capacity and mental strength to stand up and speak for me, to determine what is real and what is not. To decide which media was harmful and which wasn't. Everything I consumed was internalized with or without my knowledge. My subconscious devoured it and I regurgitated it in my everyday life. It was an incredibly toxic relationship. Body checking over and over. Two eating disorders. And endless tears I would shed at night as I could not measure up to others despite still developing physically and mentally. I would question my worth and all of this before and during my puberty years. How disgusting it all was, yet I could not see it, I could not understand it. For I was far too impressionable, trusting, and naive. 

    Eventually, I left Instagram and stepped away from YouTube. At this point, I was in high school, so about 10 years later I finally distanced myself. While I left the damage had been done already. I struggled with body issues all my life and reversing the effects of it all was not gonna be a quick and easy fix. Leaving the media was the first step and it sucked as all my friends used socials so I was subjecting myself basically to social isolation. But in all honesty, not having to see the perfect bodies, skin, and lives of other people helped immensely. However, it was still not enough. At last, I still had to confront the demons I accumulated and seek help with therapy to correct the harm I soaked up. It was and is not an easy road. But acknowledging my bad habits was the first step to a new path and change. 

     While this toxic side of media is inevitable, you can reduce the amount of toxicity you get to an extent. Like as of now I stay away from Instagram and only use it for texting. I don't follow extra accounts and I don't seek them either. I even state on my account that I use it for texting only. I follow my friends and they follow me but it is expected that I don't post, like, or comment on others' accounts. YouTube, however, is where I spend the majority of my time. I use it to educate myself on a variety of topics. Some channels I watch are:

• Pop Culture Detective discusses movies, shows, and well pop culture. Giving insight and explanations to movie tropes, breaking them down to what they really are. A good video from them is "The Ethics of Looking And The “Harmless" Peeping Tom". This video blew my mind and really pointed out how many shows/movies allow and promote this behavior, especially to boys/men. 
• F.D. Signifier is a black man giving his stories and experiences as a black man. He talks about his old misogynistic behavior and thinking plus the recovery from it. He also talks about his experience as a black man and what it entails for him plus his two young boys. Overall very eye-opening and educational, a excellent video from him is "Understanding the (Black) Manosphere". His videos are essays, so they tend to be quite long, but every second is worth the listen. 
• Tee Noir is a black queer woman who gives her experiences and perspectives as such. She talks about the manosphere and misogynistic rhetoric. She talks about her experience as a black woman and issues that stem from it, whether it be herself or others. She gives the perspective of being queer as well, especially as a black woman, and what that means for her. A video I recommend from her is "The Market of Humiliating Black Women".
• Cinema Therapy is about two guys, Jonathan Decker who is a licensed therapist, and Alan Seawright who is an unlicensed filmmaker. Alan brings up his favorite movies and offers some knowledge as an amateur filmmaker. But Jonathan then breaks down these movies from a therapist's standpoint and gives insight into tropes/relationship dynamics. A video I loved to watch is "MEGAMIND and Nice Guy™ Syndrome" in which Jonathan explains the difference between being a good person and being a nice person. 

    These are just a fraction of the people and channels I watch to help better myself. Whether that be trying to understand other people's experiences which otherwise I have little access to, or understanding myself and the behaviors/patterns I have accumulated over the years. There is a surplus of channels and people out there talking and sharing their points of view/experiences. All of which is just a few buttons away! 

Thank you for reading my rant and I hope you check out one of these channels/people! Do your own research too and find more stuff that you want to learn about. The possibilities are endless and it is all at our fingertips. Often what these channels and people talk about is quite heavy with emotion, information, or both. So give yourself some time to see and understand their points. Even if it plants a seed in you to think about it, I say it's a job well done and the road to discovery is not far. Anyways, take care! <3 :)

(ferret cartoon)